


man made monstrosity

by VibrantVenus



Series: Fem Harry [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Female Harry Potter, Friends to Lovers, Hogwarts Second Year, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kinda Dark, dark themes, idk what this is tbh, relationship doesn't start until she's at least16, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-17
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-03-05 20:56:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 1,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13396077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VibrantVenus/pseuds/VibrantVenus
Summary: It's in the flicker of a candle, shadows in a mirror, lips brushing against her ear:"What are you, without me Hariel Potter?"Or, Hariel Potter finds a diary among her books.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Riddled](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/351558) by Killing Curse Eyes. 



   She doesn't know where the diary came from.

   She just knows that it was there, among her books. It was an innocent looking thing, a small black book with golden script across the front. 

_Tom Marvolo Riddle._

Her fingers lightly trace the name, over and over until she decides to just open the damn thing. The pages are blanks, and she tries to fight off her disappointment but then- 

   Well, what does one do with a blank diary?

   She fishes in her trunk for a quill and a bottle of ink, and she only hesitates for a moment before letting her words flow out onto the paper.

    _My name is Hariel Potter, I am twelve years old, and I am an orphan._

A heartbeat passes, something in the air shifting, and then-

    _Hello Hariel, I am Tom Riddle._

_How did you come by my diary?_


	2. Chapter 2

   The boy in the book- _Tom-_ She corrects herself, is fascinating. 

   Tom is a boy made of magic, but the strangest part is that he almost feels like an old friend. Like someone dear to her as a young child.

   Which is strange, considering she'd never had friends before Hogwarts. 

   Tom tells her that he was an orphan too, and she wonders how a boy in a book could have had real parents. She asks him one day, while the others are playing quidditch. He tells her that he was not always trapped in a book. Once he was just as human as her.

   The one time she asks about where he grew up, he doesn't reply to her for ten minutes, before finally admitting he was raised in an orphanage.

   A bad one, from the sound of it.

   There's a twinge in her heart, when she thinks of Tom, growing up in an environment that hated him. She's not sure who had it worse-Her who was stuck with the Dursley's, or Him, who was never chosen. Never loved enough to escape. 

   (there's a tiny part of her that murmurs that if no one else loved him, then she'll have to)

   She doesn't say she's sorry for him, when he finishes his tale. She knows well enough that words do nothing.

   (Except, later, she'll learn that words can do everything.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just thought y'all should know that I almost religiously follow Tsume Yuki's writing, and that's the #1 reason why every time i write a female Harry they're named Hariel (unless I decide to go the flower route(which I rarely do))  
> also look, we don't really know a lot about Ginny/Tom's interactions at the beginning. But I feel like the whole beginning between Ginny/Tom and the beginning between Hariel/Tom would be wildly different. Ginny and Hariel are very different characters, so Tom would endear himself to them in different ways. Plus Ginny grew up in the magical world, so I feel like it would have been harder for Tom to make her completely warm up to him, because she at least has a basic understanding that not everything is to be trusted.  
> Hariel/Harry however, has only ever had negative experiences with adults. Because they were raised in the muggle world they're less likely to be wary of magical objects-at least up til this point.  
> So, where Ginny needed someone to keep her secrets-someone for her to spill her worries and dreams to, Hariel just needs someone to relate to, a friend some might say.  
> (Which will make his later betrayal so much worse. or will it? who knows? I don't that's for sure)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all I'm screeching, I just realized one of my favorite writers kudosed this fic sudbrbdhdjfic. Im a gay mess, anyways here's a chapter.

   Hariel isn't sure if she's excited or disappointed when summer ends. She loves Hogwarts, it being her first real home that she can remember. But going back to school means doing work, and having less free time. Free time she could be using to talk to Tom. Or playing quidditch. 

   There's a tiny part of her that questions when talking to Tom became more important to her than Quidditch. Wonders when his company became even more enticing then  _Hogwarts._

She clutches the diary in her pocket as her and the Weasley pile into the car. The diary pulses with warmth in her hand and a small smile pulls at her lips. 

   She closes her eyes and let's the world drift away. She'll worry about Tom later, but right now she was content to sit here, Tom's diary a comforting warmth in her hands. Her hair blowing in the wind from the open window, Hedwig chirping behind them.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also yeah sorry these chapters are so short they'll get longer later when the plot builds up more.


	4. Chapter 4

   When Tom had first felt the hands opening his diary, he'd been elated. Desperate, even.

   The girls magic felt pure, with just a touch of darkness. It felt...familiar, though he can't quite figure out how. 

   There's a pause, and he almost thinks she's abandoned his diary, but then,

    _My name is Hariel Potter, I am twelve years old, and I am an orphan._

He drinks it up, feels himself grow just a a bit stronger. This, he thinks, is what he's been waiting for. 

    _Hello Hariel, I am Tom Riddle._

_How did you come by my diary?_

He can feel her shock and confusion, her wonder and delight. He thinks back on the Potters he'd gone to school with, all dark messy hair and warm skin. He wonders if this child, this  _orphan,_ keeps with tradition. He's not quite strong enough to  _see_ yet, to put a face to a name or to understand the child's strange familiar magic.

   Something in him wonders.

    _orphan orphan orphan_

There's a bitter part of him that wants to destroy this child. This child and her joy, her wonder.

    _orphan orphan orphan_

   Rip her apart and inspect what remains.

   All in due time, he supposes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really like Tom as a character and I really wanted to write from his perspective? Did I do good? Idk but anyways sdjfskdhgbasvb.   
> I wanted to show Tom seeing the similarities between him and Hariel and kinda being vaguely pissed about it. 12 year old him was an orphan as well, but he was an angry bitter one that had basically been denied by everyone who could have cared about him. SO he sees (Or well, not really sees yet i guess) Hariel, who is an orphan as well, but has been shown the compassion he's been denied and it ticks him off. At least, that's how I'm writing it.  
> Also yeah, again sorry for the short chapters, they'll get longer when I actually know what I'm doing.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i need to pee
> 
> also i made a pinterest board for this fic here's the link, enjoy  
> https://www.pinterest.com/aleybas0408/man-made-monstrosity/

   Her first night back at Hogwarts she shuts her curtains tight and tells Tom about the insanity her day had been. The barrier of 9 3/4 being blocked, the flying car, nearly being expelled. 

   Her words fade away and Tom speaks to her, asks her why she didn't just wait for an adult to help them. 

    _I don't know,_ she says,  _I guess I was just scared._

The book seems to release a sigh, and she'd laugh if she didn't feel slightly ashamed.

    _I suppose that makes sense, fear makes us do unreasonable things sometimes._

She nods, pulling the hair falling in her face back into a ponytail.

    _I'll try to wait for an adult next time._ It's a promise she knows she'll break as soon as she makes it. Her life has only ever been one tragedy after another. Waiting for adults wouldn't do anything.

   She was doomed to always save herself, it seemed.

    _Let's hope there isn't a next time._

And she laughs, it's a short, bitter sound. 

    _Oh Tom,_ she writes,  _there's always going to be a next time._


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: wants to write a new chapter  
> Me: doesn't know what to write.  
> *spends 3 hours on Pinterest crafting the mmm board*  
> *riddled updates*  
> *honestly/honestly (encore) by Gabbie Hanna is released*  
> Me: !!!  
> Ok but seriously I feel like the song really did remind me of what I have planned for the future of this fic. And I think the Pinterest board also reflects the future of this fic. We'll get there buddies, but for now, here you go.
> 
> Also yeah I know y'all are probably tired of me going back and forth between past and present and are probably waiting for me to get on with the story. Trust me I want to get to those chapters too, but I gotta build up to them first, and I feel like these chapters are pretty important and show how Tom and Harry are in this fic.

   When Hariel was very young she thought Petunia was her mother. The first time she calls Petunia ' _mummy'_ she's smacked across the face so hard she hits the floor.

   "I am  _not_ your mother," Petunia had hissed, a flushed fury tearing across her face. "You're a worthless orphan, and that's all you'll ever be."

   Petunia had locked her in the cupboard for nearly four days after that. 

   The quiet and the dark had given her time to process Petunia's words. 

   And yet she still hadn't understood.

    _Orphan?_

   It was her first day at school, and all the children were sat in a circle introducing themselves.

   Piers Polkiss had a hedgehog his mother bought him.

   Mary Jenkins had learned how to braid her hair from her mother.

   Max Parker's mother had a fancy sportscar.

   When it got to Harry...she didn't know what to say.

   She didn't really have anything.

   She'd grown up with the taste of  _orphan,_ and  _freak,_ and  _demon_ on the tip of her tongue. Like a brand on her forehead, staining her skin with the things that made her worthless.

   She didn't even know what the words meant. Only that the way Petunia had spit them at her implied they were terrible things.

   She'd said that her favorite color was red. It was the first thing she could think of, but somehow it felt right.

   Red felt safe, though she wasn't sure why.

   When she learns how to read, she borrows the class dictionary while the other children are at recess. She opens the big book and painstaking makes her way to the O's.

_ or·phan _

_ ˈôrfən _

_noun_

  1. _1._

_a child whose parents are dead._




  _O_ _h._ she thinks, rolling the word on the inside of her mouth, clenching her teeth to prevent it from breaking through.

    _That's what that means._

    _Oh._


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey uhhh be warned for mentions of abuse towards the end of the chapter. it's not usper descriptive but still

   She writes in the diary everyday. A part of it is because Tom is smart and is always willing to talk to her when Hermione or Ron aren't able to.

   It doesn't occur to her how lonely she is that she has to find solace in a boy trapped in a diary when her two friends won't talk to her.

   She tells Tom everything, no matter how important. She tells him about Lockhart and what a failure of a teacher he is, tells him about how sometimes she's so jealous of her friends it makes her mouth feel sour.

   He tells her it's okay to feel bitter.

   There's something about Tom, something that makes her chest feel warm. She's never been understood before, she realizes. Not really. 

   But Tom gets it at least. 

   Gets the anger and fear and hatred that burns in her veins when the Dursleys treat her like she's nothing. When they hit her and starve her and lock her away. She'd thought she was used to it, thought the anger had faded.

   She realizes it was left to simmer just out of sight.

   Her magic sparks around her fingers, reacting to her frustration. She breathes through her nose, idly twirling her quill between her fingers as she thinks of what to say.

    _A part of me says I should just get over it. That maybe I really do deserve the way they treat me, and that I'm wrong for being hurt. That the anger will do nothing but eat me alive. But...a bigger part of me says I don't deserve any of it._

There's a pause as the ink fades away, and she reclines against the big pillow on her bed. It's late, and she can hear Hermione softly snoring in the bed next to hers. She smiles slowly, her eyes closing momentarily.

   She opens her eyes to see Tom has replied.

    _Hariel, no child-no matter who they are or what they have done-deserves to live the way we did. Despite what you may think, you don't deserve to be abused._

She cringes slightly. Calling it abuse makes it...makes it real. Makes it more than just a few hungry nights and a couple bruises.

   Still, her mind conjures up memories of the faint scars on her legs from when Ripper dug his teeth into her and wouldn't let go. Can feel the stiffness in one of her knees from when she broke it being pushed down the stairs. She pulls her shirt up and counts the soft imprints of her ribs. She thinks of the absence of love and safety, but she can remember the fear with a sort of brutal certainty.

   She's spent so long being afraid.

    _I suppose you're right._

She yawns, setting the diary down momentarily to stretch her arms. She smiles when she sees that Tom has replied.

    _Aren't I always?_

She laughs slightly, but halfway through it's interrupted by another yawn.

    _Goodnight Tom._

_Goodnight Hariel._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyways hermione snores and it's cute leave me alone.  
> anyways onto more serious matters. this was a bit of a harder chapter to get out, and i don't really know why. i think it's mainly that this fic does deal with a more physically abused character, and i've never really written/experienced that. idk i'm just sad right now. anyways good night/morning/afternoon or wbatherver time it is for you;. im going to sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

   Tom feels himself growing stronger, feels life returning to him with every drop of ink, every bit of hurt and anger and loneliness that Hariel pours into his notebook. He grows stronger and yet....

   A part of him likes Hariel. Likes talking to her and seeing how she responds. But talking to her-it feels like looking into a mirror. She reminds him of himself, before he gave in to the hatred coiling inside of him. She reminds him of what he could have been, and he hates it. Wants to destroy it-to destroy her. Tear her apart, make her as broken and furious and angry as he is.

   He won't of course. But the thought is there. He could do it. 

   She'd probably let him get away with it too. He's strong enough to see her now, and he could imagine it-the way she'd smile at him as he tore her apart. 

   He hates it.

   She makes him think of a part of himself that he tried to forget. The hopeful innocent part of himself, the one who'd been desperate for someone-anyone to love him. A weakness he'd buried, kicking and screaming inside of himself.

   Except-when the horcrux ripped him apart, it stuffed that part of him inside the diary as well.

   It's harder to avoid loneliness when he has nothing but his own memories to fill the emptiness. He'd been mostly successful. 

   But then-

  _the brush of small hands, calloused from hard work, against the cover of his diary. magic familiar, yet entirely foreign. a drop of ink. words._

_orphan_

_orphan_

_orphan_

_my name is hariel._

she brings the worst out in him he supposes.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a bit of an experiment for me, because I don't think I've ever written for a female Harry potter except for like, one drabble a while back, and I've been wanting to write this for a while.


End file.
